I'm So Tough

I'm so kick ass I almost can't believe it. Seriously, I'm like a combination of Blade and Darth Maul and Mr. T.

Yeah. I'm like that.

Sometimes I just stand around being all ripped and smoldering with my teeth clenched and my nostrils flaring. When my friends walk in they're like "Dude you're so ripped and so smoldering!" And I kinda swivel my squinty eyes over at 'em without moving my head and I'm like "You forgot to knock." Then BAM! I snatch some guy's throat out.

I gots mad skillz nigga! Dat's what I'm talkin' bout.

The other day I was going to the grocery store and there was this fat little girl scout outside bitchin' about some cookies or some crap so I gave her a running side kick straight to the throat. Sent her fat ass flying into a big stack of 7-Up boxes. It was bitchin'

This is my self portrait.

Looks just like me don't it? Word.

I have a signature move called the Flying Bitchslap (patent pending) that's totally cool. Here are some facts about the Flying Bitchslap (patent pending):

1. It hurts like a mofo
2. It makes you crap your pants
3. It's totally cool
4. I gave one to vice president Dick Cheney once